Quran

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Lately I have been having these episodes of pain whenever I read the Quran. I feel really angry with myself. You see, I can’t read the Quran fluently. At some parts I keep getting stuck, having a second or two before I can calmly read the verse again because I started hating myself. I never went to Ugama School. That’s right. Never. When I was living in Seria, Mom was a full-time housewife and she couldn’t drive. So my sister and I, we never went to Ugama School. Somehow this just continued until I was in Secondary School.

I didn’t bother to consult my parents about it because well I simply did not care once upon a time ago. How ignorant was I? My friends all went and they even completed their Quran reading and even studied other important subjects of Ugama. While I.. I haven’t even completed the Quran. That’s why now I read it slowly, every day possible in hopes that I could complete it but the pain of being unable to read it fluently hurts. Sometimes I want to ask my friends about it but whenever they’re around I just can’t seem to bring the topic up because they’re talking about other stuff.

I am really envious of those who finished their Ugama School. I was blind back then. Every after school I played games. To think about it now, I was very sad, doing worthless things. However, I will not give up in learning about religion. In life, to give up is to fail. And I will not fail myself this time. I will learn and read the Quran slowly, step by step until I am able to read it fluently and complete it, Insya Allah. We haven’t quite completely feel it but this is the last 10 days of Ramadhan and I intend to use it to entrust myself to Allah S.W.T. Amin.