Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Greetings brothers and sisters! Alhamdulillah, we meet again with the Holy month of Ramadhan. Such a blessing that we still get to breathe the air and is given the chance to repent and pray to Allah The Almighty. What we are now is all due to His grace. Alhamdulillah, syukur. So it has been a year now, since I created this blog. And yes, it has been a year since I started this change and I have only grew SO little. But Insya Allah, this Ramadhan I will try to repair myself inside and out with the help of al-Furqan. I admit, this heart, is still very devious. Such a frail being I am.
In the last 3 months, I have been situated a distance away from home. In reach, but away. Alhamdulillah, I have been given the chance to become a potential scholar of BSP. And Insya Alllah, Amin Amin Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin, I will become a scholar if I do pass the upcoming interview. So in becoming a potential scholar, I had to undergo 3 months of attachment with the company itself and was put in an apartment with the rest of the potential scholars. I met new people - and people - other than our own self - is a challenge that we have to face. Attitudes and personalities. It takes a while to get used to. Especially dealing with almost three dozen people. I also have to deal with myself because I can get annoying when I talk too much, I know that and sometimes I just blurt out whatever is in my head without thinking first. And I pray that they will forgive me..
Hopefully I have put the right effort, in trying to get close to each and everyone of the individuals there. Maybe not enough for friendship, enough for just being acquaintances, as sometimes people put a barrier in between just enough to acknowledge but not enough room for more than that. However it went, it must be Allah's willing, no matter how sad it makes me feel but then sometimes I tell myself, why put priorities to people when there is Allah? But Alhamdulillah Ya Allah, I have two roommates, who I grew with during this 3 months of attachment. I love how we always pray together and talk about akhirah matters together other than the jokes. I watched them become someone better each day and I hope that I have too, become one.
Also Masya Allah, my lovely seniors, I look up to them - Alhamdulillah they are all great people. I thank Allah S.W.T for being alive and being able to interact with them, replenish myself into someone better. For any matters regarding religion, they are more than keen to talk to me about it and we also go to a Quran Circle sessions. SubhanAllah, I have never been exposed to Islam in this way because of a different peer pressure feel in my hometown, and Alhamdulillah I love Allah, I love Rasulullah and I love Islam more and more.
But here on I have to admit, with different people I kind of change my attitude. When I was in Seria and being mixed with the right Islamic crowd, I feel content to practice Islam and talk about it openly. But here in Bandar, it is definitely a challenge, where some of my peers dislike to discuss Islamic matters and because of that, I too change into someone who talks what they talk. Astaghfirullahalazhiim. Yesterday, I met most of the people I used hang out with in the past, and I do not know why, I fist bump-ed them. Female skin touching male skin. And it was me who initiated the move. Only after doing it did I realize, I am such a fool. After not doing it for so long, why am I the first to start it? Ya Allah, forgive me. I also met a Chinese friend who asked me since when did I start wearing the hijab and told me it was weird for him. The question that lies here is that, to become better do you have to abandon the people who does not help you to become one? I still need Your guidance..
Insya Allah, in this Holy month, I will find a better self. Replenish my soul and intentions only for the sake of Allah S.W.T. Amin Amin Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.
