Will I Stay or Will I Go?

I came close to a point where I wanted to give up on myself

Giving up being who I am now

But a voice at the back of my head keeps calling me

Over and over again

To believe in Allah

I tell myself I want a break. And I need a break.

But a break from what? Reality? Oh really it doesn't work that way.

It kind of feels that everyone is against me. I know it's not true. And all I want is to just run away. But everywhere I go I keep falling, learning about my own flaws.

How do I stand up now? This whole self I have known for 22 years... this whole confidence and courage I have built up- put to test. I want to smile and face the world but it's just...

Well a part of me has gone. That shining eyes I see in the mirror- it's getting dimmer day by day.

Hammered to a point where I believe this is the test for me:

will I stay or will I go?

And it hurts to think that, I even thought of going.

Allah, please show me the way.