Unsettling

Assalammualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hello brothers and sisters! I realize that my visit counts have increased. I do not know who visits my blog but if you’re reading this, thank you so much for your time! Jazakallahu Khaiyr!

I have officially completed all my A Level papers. Alhamdulillah, all of them were do-able at the very least. Never could have done it without the habit to recite Al-Fatihah, Surah Kursi, zikir SubhanAllah 33x, Alhamdulillah 33x and Allahu Akbar 34x. Trust me; they are the cure for anxiety and calms down our heart. For those who are still sitting for their exams, try it! Insya Allah you may complete your paper with ease. Amin Amin Amin Ya Rabbal Amin.

You know that unsettling feeling of guilt whenever you miss a prayer? I had it yesterday. When I went out with my friends; we were chilling at a café. At first it was comfortable, since I have done my Asar prayer and I was hoping to get back before Maghrib. Turned out due to certain circumstances, we had to stay and complete a work. Without realization the clock struck 8… then 8.30… and I have successfully missed my Maghrib and Isya’ prayer.

THAT situation is what I want to avoid in the future. It’s already hard to survive in a circle of friends where sometimes, prayers do not mean as much. It’s harder to even comment on them when they only turn to Allah in times of despair – all because of who I was. Truth be told, we cannot erase our past; it stays there but are they not means of looking back, realize our mistakes and move on? I’m trying to…. change. Help… me.

In a process of purifying my heart, I have been tolerating everything that has been happening around me. At least, I tell myself that I can. Sometimes my heart thinks of something bad to comment on situations around me but Astaghfirullah. You know what; yes I am struggling – not with my identity but with the prejudice thrown at me. I tell myself, every time, that Allah is always with me even if no one else is, and I can stay strong. Alhamdulillah.

Dear Anonymous,

Assalammualaikum and Waiyyakum. You do not know how happy and blessed I feel to be able to read your comment! I never thought that someone would comment on any of my posts let alone read it but.. here you are - living proof! I can only tell you that, you do not have to be do a sudden leap of faith.. you can start slow, turn to Allah when you feel weak and He will guide you :) I have had my share of hard times but along those lines keep on reciting "Lailahailallah", Insya Allah the pathway to a better self will be revealed.