Coverage

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

When I said I wanted change, do not associate me with my old self. I am literally not kidding. I cannot make more mistakes and keep saying "OH ALLAH WILL FORGIVE ME WHEN I REPENT" I do not have ALL the time in the world. No one will be able to guarantee us tomorrow except Allah S.W.T. For all we know, we might die in seconds, minutes or hours from now. This leads me to wearing hijab to cover parts of me that when exposed, will add to my sin.

Unfortunately, wearing hijab has become an issue. In all honesty, I do not wear it to look good or to gain attention from a sudden change but in reality, I do it for coverage. All the Muslim girls should wear it but it depends on our heart. I do not expect you to change when I change, I only need you to understand that my heart has come to a decision of obeying Allah S.W.T. The other day my friend updated her status on Facebook saying "Selangkah anak perempuan keluar dari rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga ayahnya itu hampir ke neraka. Selangkah seorang isteri keluar rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga suaminya itu hampir ke neraka."

Translation: "One step a girl exits her house without covering her aurah, that one step also leads the father closer to Hell" One step a woman exits her house without covering her aurah, that one step also leads her husband to Hell."

And I ask myself, do I love Allah? Do I love my father? YES I love Allah and YES I love my father and I only hope that my family, friends and cousins get to go into Jannah (Amin) even if I'm not.

I know that most girls that keep update with fashion or wants to look good take it very hard to cover parts of the body that make them pretty/hot. Even I myself was like that once, days and months ago. I wore revealing clothes and let my hair curl to my shoulders and everyone was always commenting and praising. Now I realise that I do not need all those praises when it does not even get me close to Jannah.

I only hope that you do not question me in wearing hijab anymore. It's my decision for Allah S.W.T. I easily falter, that is why I need to strengthen my iman to ignore all the pretty clothes that are not meant for Muslim girls.

"O Prophet! say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers that they let down upon them their over-garments; this will be more proper, that they may be known, and thus they will not be given trouble; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (33:59)"

Overcoming Failure

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hey friends. So Cambridge results were out in Brunei two days ago and honestly, I was relieved and also heartbroken. Relieved because I got my desired grade for AS Mathematics; heartbroken because the subject that I have worked hard for, AS Physics, the grade became lower than the low I got last year. But Allah is just. He knows what is best for me and this is another one of the test I must overcome.

With every failure we get, there's meaning and lessons behind it. One thing I know, we should NEVER give up.

I have faith in myself and I will work hard for my A Level! Insya Allah.

Glorification

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Once again, I acted like a fool again. Truthfully, I just had my period today and I was REALLY depressed. I so badly wanted to perform my duties to Allah S.W.T in this final 10 days of Ramadhan that I overlooked the fact that this Haid in itself is a blessing. Everything comes from Him and He knows best for us. For me to deny that, forgive me Ya Allah. A friend told me that this is a chance for me to glorify Him.

002.185 ... Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put you to difficulties. (He wants you) to complete the prescribed period, and to glorify Him in that He has guided you; and perchance ye shall be grateful.

With that, Ya Allah, You are testing me with this Haid and I will try my best to glorify You. Forgive me for being such a sinful soul, who loses to patience, and Your Mercy is much greater than I can ever imagine.

And friends, allow me to share this beautiful Istighfar with you. A reminder to us:

Quran

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Lately I have been having these episodes of pain whenever I read the Quran. I feel really angry with myself. You see, I can’t read the Quran fluently. At some parts I keep getting stuck, having a second or two before I can calmly read the verse again because I started hating myself. I never went to Ugama School. That’s right. Never. When I was living in Seria, Mom was a full-time housewife and she couldn’t drive. So my sister and I, we never went to Ugama School. Somehow this just continued until I was in Secondary School.

I didn’t bother to consult my parents about it because well I simply did not care once upon a time ago. How ignorant was I? My friends all went and they even completed their Quran reading and even studied other important subjects of Ugama. While I.. I haven’t even completed the Quran. That’s why now I read it slowly, every day possible in hopes that I could complete it but the pain of being unable to read it fluently hurts. Sometimes I want to ask my friends about it but whenever they’re around I just can’t seem to bring the topic up because they’re talking about other stuff.

I am really envious of those who finished their Ugama School. I was blind back then. Every after school I played games. To think about it now, I was very sad, doing worthless things. However, I will not give up in learning about religion. In life, to give up is to fail. And I will not fail myself this time. I will learn and read the Quran slowly, step by step until I am able to read it fluently and complete it, Insya Allah. We haven’t quite completely feel it but this is the last 10 days of Ramadhan and I intend to use it to entrust myself to Allah S.W.T. Amin.

Books & Knowledge

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Alhamdulillah, I received a feedback from a friend about my first post. She said it was life changing. Thank you, my sister. I do wish to be able to inspire others as well as myself. Insya Allah.

Yesterday I went to a one-hour talk about Islamic Understanding. This talk is held for four different days in Dewan Jubli, UNISSA, Gadong. I thought this talk was about enhancing the quality of the Muslim way of life but instead it was a talk about the different Mazhab during Sayyidina Ali’s reign. I took some notes and different tribes during those times were: Syiah, Khawarij, Mu’tazilah, Qadariyah, Jabariyyah, Mushabihah (Karamiyyah) and Ahli Sunnah Wal-Jamaah. In the end she concluded that we embrace Ahli Sunnah Wal-Jamaah’s teaching as they follow Sunnah Rasulullah and the sayings in Al-Quran.

My friends, I have come to realize that it is really hard to change the depth of our attitude. This was proven yesterday when I went out for Sungkai with my friends and in having fun, I lost my self control. I have also missed out in performing my Maghrib prayer. Only after I had a moment to myself that I realize, that is why I wanted to change. Forgetting Allah for the fun in dunia is what I should avoid more than anything.

To gain better knowledge about Islam, I need to read. My parents had been recommending me to read the books they bought about Islam but I never tried to understand it; books that I have been ignoring until now, how shameful am I? I started out with four books:

1. Himpunan Kisah-Kisah Jin/Iblis/Syaitan (Collection of stories about satan)

2. Himpunan Kisah-Kisah Malaikat (Collection of stories about angels)

3. Wanita Yang Dicintai Iblis (Women loved by satan)

4. Bagaimana Mengatasi Marah (How to overcome anger)

In there I found knowledge that made me feel weak and futile as well as beneficial knowledge such as tips to be loved by Allah. I will share some of my findings in a later post, Insya Allah. I pray that with the knowledge I gained, I do not astray from this path of Jannah.

Change

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Greetings readers! I have been meaning to blog for a while now but time didn't let me. I was caught up in my studies that even the simplest desire to write got overwhelmed and forgotten. Speaking of which, I'll leave my results to Allah S.W.T in judging my efforts for my exam.

So now, let me start my story.

For the past 18 years, I have been negligent in my duties to Allah S.W.T. Being raised in an Islamic country and by Muslim parents; people would surely think that I’d be doing good deeds and serving Allah S.W.T every day but no. My knowledge in my religion was limited and in no ways are my parents to be blamed: they have delivered knowledge according to the rightful Islamic upbringing. Due to my own ignorance I nourished my sins: pride, gluttony, lust, sloth, wrath, greed and envy. My heart became cold to Mom’s constant lecture of Islam and the consequences of my actions.

I believed I was the best; I was arrogant and selfish. But who was I to judge myself? I look at people; criticize them and even bad-mouth them, when the person I should have looked at was I, myself. I started hanging out with people, enjoying the company, forgetting to perform my prayers. I thought being social would get me more friends and as I gained more friends, there was even more drama and life entered complications. Desires got the best of everyone. That was when I realize humans do not give happiness, being close to Allah does.

The more I used foul language, the more my heart becomes dark. The more I skipped my prayers, the more usual I sleep with guilt. The more I lounged outside, the more I feel insecure. Something was missing in my life. Until I found three things that made me feel at ease: telekung, sejadah and Al-Quran.

Telekung makes me humble, a self realization that I am a fragile human being. Sejadah makes me realize that I’m in a secure area from dunia where my thoughts are only focused on Allah S.W.T. And finally, Al-Quran, Masya Allah, a kitab that will make the intentions in our heart pure by understanding the contents. With this my friends, life finally has a meaning: to please Allah S.W.T with all our might and to ignore this dunia for akhirat.

Sometimes I wonder why people of different races are so devoted to their religion. It makes me think about myself and my religion. How shameful I am to have a religion but not devote myself to it. I was born a Muslim and that in itself is a blessing. Truthfully I was an ignorant Muslim and now I want to be a Muslim by heart and by soul. Insya Allah.

I created this blog because I want to share with you the hardships I went through for a change, how this change has enhanced me to become a better person and remind myself that I am only a humble servant of Allah S.W.T. In here I want you to witness my growth and in any ways if I make mistakes in the future, please correct any of my wrongs.

This.. is where I start my change.