To the end; to the beginning.

Assalammualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Without a doubt, 2011 is hours from ending and 2012 is hours from beginning. To be able to breathe now, I am thankful. Praises to Allah S.W.T. for giving me a chance to make a change and serve him at my utmost. Another year has passed after 2010. I might not be fully contented with myself now but I can rightfully admit that I've become better than who I used to be. Alhamdulillah.

I watched New Year's Eve, a Hollywood movie and I have to say that it is a beautiful story of how life changes due to decisions that we make. But we are Muslims; and our life differs so much than theirs who succumb to alcohol, pork or lust for joy. In no means am I critizing the other religions - I'm just saying that we as Muslims, are asked to control ourselves to achieve Jannah - a heaven for the servants who have served Allah S.W.T. with sincerity of Rasullah S.A.W.

Humans all over the world today are reunited, as we all enter 2012 Masihi together! As we are in the mid of Safar, I wish everyone a Happy New Year! Forgive and forget with sincerity the people who you have held on your grudges to, smile and start anew :) Change yourself step by step. Don't change into someone else, be someone better! Do charity! Do not hope and expect; instead say Alhamdulillah into the blessings that Allah S.W.T. has provided us with.

To my family, my best friends, my close friends, the people who I have just met, the people who I have loved - you have my gratitude for making me who I am today.

The Struggle

Assalammualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Everyone can start a change. I started to pray every day for the last two years (with the exception of some days and Subuh) and still went out without covering my aurat. Tell me, does that sound right? Thinking back I was shameful. But let me tell you what, it IS a start. Do not be ashamed, but do not be proud of it as well. Pray every day, renew your faith; eventually you will come to a firm decision to cover your aurat. A question I ask myself now, “How do you become a full Muslimah when you still walk out from your house uncovered?”

The undeniable truth, I am still struggling actually. REALLY STRUGGLING. You cannot imagine how I constantly battle with the desire to wear something nice which refers to revealing my body parts and showing my hair. The ugly truth be told, I love getting boys’ attention and being complimented by people. Who doesn’t? Now that I am midway of being fully covered, people just do not look at me as much. I am invisible in a way. Sometimes I miss those compliments and argue with myself to reveal my aurat to the world. But in the end the one question that brings me back to the real path is “Who do I want to please? People or Allah? Where do I want to go? Hell or Jannah?” THANK YOU ALLAH S.W.T. You are my savior. You know what is best for me. Alhamdulillah.

If I think about it deeper I should be grateful, boys only look at me when I’m uncovered which means they are full of lust. Being invisible now means I’m protected from shame, false accusations and eye undressing.

Fellow sisters, let me tell you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. All the attention, the fame, the vanity – it cannot even compete with the enormous reward you will reap if you fight from it all.

I'm not perfect - I tend to make mistakes here and there still. I make judgements. But I pray everyday, that I can one step at a time throw the bad habits of mine.... purity is a hard thing to achieve but Insya Allah. With patience, doa and action we can change! Amin.

Unsettling

Assalammualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hello brothers and sisters! I realize that my visit counts have increased. I do not know who visits my blog but if you’re reading this, thank you so much for your time! Jazakallahu Khaiyr!

I have officially completed all my A Level papers. Alhamdulillah, all of them were do-able at the very least. Never could have done it without the habit to recite Al-Fatihah, Surah Kursi, zikir SubhanAllah 33x, Alhamdulillah 33x and Allahu Akbar 34x. Trust me; they are the cure for anxiety and calms down our heart. For those who are still sitting for their exams, try it! Insya Allah you may complete your paper with ease. Amin Amin Amin Ya Rabbal Amin.

You know that unsettling feeling of guilt whenever you miss a prayer? I had it yesterday. When I went out with my friends; we were chilling at a café. At first it was comfortable, since I have done my Asar prayer and I was hoping to get back before Maghrib. Turned out due to certain circumstances, we had to stay and complete a work. Without realization the clock struck 8… then 8.30… and I have successfully missed my Maghrib and Isya’ prayer.

THAT situation is what I want to avoid in the future. It’s already hard to survive in a circle of friends where sometimes, prayers do not mean as much. It’s harder to even comment on them when they only turn to Allah in times of despair – all because of who I was. Truth be told, we cannot erase our past; it stays there but are they not means of looking back, realize our mistakes and move on? I’m trying to…. change. Help… me.

In a process of purifying my heart, I have been tolerating everything that has been happening around me. At least, I tell myself that I can. Sometimes my heart thinks of something bad to comment on situations around me but Astaghfirullah. You know what; yes I am struggling – not with my identity but with the prejudice thrown at me. I tell myself, every time, that Allah is always with me even if no one else is, and I can stay strong. Alhamdulillah.

Dear Anonymous,

Assalammualaikum and Waiyyakum. You do not know how happy and blessed I feel to be able to read your comment! I never thought that someone would comment on any of my posts let alone read it but.. here you are - living proof! I can only tell you that, you do not have to be do a sudden leap of faith.. you can start slow, turn to Allah when you feel weak and He will guide you :) I have had my share of hard times but along those lines keep on reciting "Lailahailallah", Insya Allah the pathway to a better self will be revealed.

Code of Conduct

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

I have come to understand that it is really hard to conduct yourself righteously (religiously) in the midst of anyone other than yourself. You get washed by the sea of entertainment, carried away by the jokes and laughter. How easily we are swayed from Allah just by meeting other people. And I also found out that when you meet and greet someone with "Assalamualaikum", Insya Allah, there will be no harm that will come from your mouth or from your heart about the other person.

I actually was about to write up a whole lot of problems going on with me, my worldly desires and the Akhirat but everything just dissolved in my head. Astaghfirullah.

Stumbled upon this in the Internet - "We as a muslims have lost their identity. We are the claimants of the world's truest religion rather a complete way of life but unfortunately have not shown a very good model of it to the whole world. My passion is to work for the revival of Muslims and their dignity and to show that this is the religion." Masya Allah. May Allah bless you Infinity.

All humans are dead, except those who have knowledge

and all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds

and those who do good deeds are deceived, except those who are sincere

and those who are sincere are always in a state of worry

- Imam Shafi

An unexamined life is not worth living.

- Socrates.

It takes no energy to create darkness

An expert is someone who has made all the mistakes in his or her field

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Other than that I wish to share life-changing blogs about Islam and how we revolve in it:
http://baseerath.blogspot.com/
http://baseerath-womeninislam.blogspot.com/
http://www.lessonsoftheday.com/

Masya Allah.
http://youtu.be/CcxzIE4xxrI

Zikir (Names of Allah)

Assalamualaikum waramatullahi wabarakatuh.

 

Mom woke me up yesterday and gave me a handwritten paper. It contains useful zikir for me to put to practice daily. I am really grateful. (Ya Allah, murahkanlah rezeki ibuku yang bersusah payah menggunakan tenaganya untuk mengajarku.) So far reciting the zikir (names of Allah) has gave me greater confidence to face my day. Insya Allah I will recite it everyday and let it become a habit. Amin.

I wish to share this with my Muslim brothers and sisters. So here it is:


Untuk Menguatkan Semangat

65 - الواجد

Ertinya: Yang Dapat Memperolehi Segala Apa Yang Dikehendaki.

Ucapkanlah "Yaa Waajidu" pada tiap-tiap kali anda menyuapkan makanan ke mulut anda, nescaya Allah akan menjadikan anda seorang yang kuat semangat untuk berjuang di dalam segala bidang. Terutamanya dibidang pelajaran. Di mana sifat-sifat yang negatif seperti bimbang, letih-lesu dan lain-lain lagi akan hilang dari diri anda.

Untuk Terang Hati Dan Tajam Penglihatan

66 - الماجد

Ertinya: Yang Maha Besar Kemuliannya

Cubalah ucapkan "Yaa Maajidu" sebanyak 400 kali tiap-tiap hari. Insya Allah, anda akan dikurniakan hati yang terang dan ingatan yang tajam. Anda tidak akan jadi seorang pelupa sepanjang masa anda mengamalkannya.

Supaya Dapat Menjadi Seorang Yang Pandai

98 - الرشيد

Ertinya: Yang Maha Pandai

Lihatlah kejadian alam ini, yang mana betapa pandainya Allah mencipta sesuatu itu, perhatikan anggota tubuh badan kita sahaja disitu sudah tergambar betapa besarnya kepandaian dan kekuasaan Allah dalam mencipta akan sesuatu. Maka jika anda ingin menjadi orang yang cerdik pandai disamping anda menuntut ilmu pengetahuan dengan mengembangkan bakat0bakat yang telah diberi oleh Allah dibidang masing-masing, jangan lupa, perbanyakkan berzikit "Yaa Rashiidu" di setiap hari setelah selesai solat, maka Allah akan menambah lagi kepandaian kita.

Supaya Dijadikan Seorang Yang Bersifat Penyabar

99 - الصبور

Ertinya: Yang Maha Sabar

Jika anda mempunyai sifat yang pemarah atau cepat panas dengan disebabkan oleh sesuatu, dan anda berhasrat untuk menukarkan sifat anda kepada sifat penyabar, maka cubalah anda ucapkan "Yaa Sobuur" sebanyak mungkin, setiap kali selesai solat lima waktu, dan hendaklah diamalkan pada setiap hari. Insya Allah perangai anda yang pemarah itu akan bertukar menjadi seorang yang penyabar.

Do'a Mohon Ilham

"Allahumma alhimni rushdi wa 'idh ni min syarri nafsi"

Ertinya: Ya Allah ilhamkanlah padaku pelajaran-pelajaran untukku dan lindungilah aku dari kejelekkan jiwaku.

Pride

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

First of all, I have to say that I am a prideful person. I sometimes deem myself better than the others. I might still be doing this without notice and I really do despise myself for doing it. Who am I to be prideful in the sight of Allah S.W.T? My heart was rust. I want to be able to fix it. Ya Allah, help me in becoming a better person. Guide me and cleanse my heart. I pray to be a modest person and not judging of others.

In trying to find meaningful cures, I stumbled upon a website that teaches Islamic morals:

http://www.momin.com/urdu/Books/Islamic+Morals-7.html 

I also found a website of another Muslim, who had the same problem as me:

http://www.simplemuslim.com/2009/07/dangers-of-pride-and-arrogance.html 

Masya Allah. We are not alone in this world. Someone else might be having the same problem I have. We are all experiencing the same troubles. This is how Allah brings us together.

Rasulullah S.A.W "Say, if you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive your sins. And Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Al-Qur'an 3:31]

Music and Sports

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Music and sports... they're two things that I feel will drift me apart from fully embracing Islam but I'm still in learning process. I for one, like post-hardcore music and these kinds of music will definitely consume my thoughts and beliefs. They never really affected me but letting myself in the bliss of the sounds makes me feel like I'm sinning. Sports-wise... I ran the other day without any tudung/hijab and I actually felt guilty. One step from the house without covering my aurat will lead my father one step closer to Hell and it makes me insecure. What am I suppose to achieve?

These doubts of mine.. Am I ready to give up a million other habits of mine for Allah? Lately I've been scared of the news around the world; of wars and rebellions. Humans are already in chaos which means the end is closer. Some people are still living with their own usual teenage drama without a bother of these issues. The bigger picture.

I'm just confused. What am I, as an Islamic youth, suppose to do for the world?

Eid Mubarak

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

It has been a while since I last updated. Guess what I was caught up with? Eid celebrations- and school!

Eid Mubarak! Or in my native language, Selamat Hari Raya! Maaf zahir dan batin. I do hope you will forgive me of my wrongdoings in the past and the present. All of it, I deeply apologize for. What I do know is that it is better to ask for forgiveness even if the person hesitates to forgive. Everyone is different but in the end, everyone returns to Allah S.W.T.

Masya Allah. It has been great to see both close and distant relatives during Eid. I used to text with people on the phone when we went to relatives’ houses but Alhamdulillah, this year I put my phone safely in my bag and was able to start conversations with uncles/aunties/cousins. I figured this is the time where I should get to know the family better.

Although my Eid is cut short with the starting of school on the 6^th day, some of my friends are still conducting Open Houses and I am able to knit good relations with them.

For everything, Alhamdulillah.

Coverage

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

When I said I wanted change, do not associate me with my old self. I am literally not kidding. I cannot make more mistakes and keep saying "OH ALLAH WILL FORGIVE ME WHEN I REPENT" I do not have ALL the time in the world. No one will be able to guarantee us tomorrow except Allah S.W.T. For all we know, we might die in seconds, minutes or hours from now. This leads me to wearing hijab to cover parts of me that when exposed, will add to my sin.

Unfortunately, wearing hijab has become an issue. In all honesty, I do not wear it to look good or to gain attention from a sudden change but in reality, I do it for coverage. All the Muslim girls should wear it but it depends on our heart. I do not expect you to change when I change, I only need you to understand that my heart has come to a decision of obeying Allah S.W.T. The other day my friend updated her status on Facebook saying "Selangkah anak perempuan keluar dari rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga ayahnya itu hampir ke neraka. Selangkah seorang isteri keluar rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga suaminya itu hampir ke neraka."

Translation: "One step a girl exits her house without covering her aurah, that one step also leads the father closer to Hell" One step a woman exits her house without covering her aurah, that one step also leads her husband to Hell."

And I ask myself, do I love Allah? Do I love my father? YES I love Allah and YES I love my father and I only hope that my family, friends and cousins get to go into Jannah (Amin) even if I'm not.

I know that most girls that keep update with fashion or wants to look good take it very hard to cover parts of the body that make them pretty/hot. Even I myself was like that once, days and months ago. I wore revealing clothes and let my hair curl to my shoulders and everyone was always commenting and praising. Now I realise that I do not need all those praises when it does not even get me close to Jannah.

I only hope that you do not question me in wearing hijab anymore. It's my decision for Allah S.W.T. I easily falter, that is why I need to strengthen my iman to ignore all the pretty clothes that are not meant for Muslim girls.

"O Prophet! say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers that they let down upon them their over-garments; this will be more proper, that they may be known, and thus they will not be given trouble; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (33:59)"

Overcoming Failure

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hey friends. So Cambridge results were out in Brunei two days ago and honestly, I was relieved and also heartbroken. Relieved because I got my desired grade for AS Mathematics; heartbroken because the subject that I have worked hard for, AS Physics, the grade became lower than the low I got last year. But Allah is just. He knows what is best for me and this is another one of the test I must overcome.

With every failure we get, there's meaning and lessons behind it. One thing I know, we should NEVER give up.

I have faith in myself and I will work hard for my A Level! Insya Allah.

Glorification

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Once again, I acted like a fool again. Truthfully, I just had my period today and I was REALLY depressed. I so badly wanted to perform my duties to Allah S.W.T in this final 10 days of Ramadhan that I overlooked the fact that this Haid in itself is a blessing. Everything comes from Him and He knows best for us. For me to deny that, forgive me Ya Allah. A friend told me that this is a chance for me to glorify Him.

002.185 ... Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put you to difficulties. (He wants you) to complete the prescribed period, and to glorify Him in that He has guided you; and perchance ye shall be grateful.

With that, Ya Allah, You are testing me with this Haid and I will try my best to glorify You. Forgive me for being such a sinful soul, who loses to patience, and Your Mercy is much greater than I can ever imagine.

And friends, allow me to share this beautiful Istighfar with you. A reminder to us:

Quran

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Lately I have been having these episodes of pain whenever I read the Quran. I feel really angry with myself. You see, I can’t read the Quran fluently. At some parts I keep getting stuck, having a second or two before I can calmly read the verse again because I started hating myself. I never went to Ugama School. That’s right. Never. When I was living in Seria, Mom was a full-time housewife and she couldn’t drive. So my sister and I, we never went to Ugama School. Somehow this just continued until I was in Secondary School.

I didn’t bother to consult my parents about it because well I simply did not care once upon a time ago. How ignorant was I? My friends all went and they even completed their Quran reading and even studied other important subjects of Ugama. While I.. I haven’t even completed the Quran. That’s why now I read it slowly, every day possible in hopes that I could complete it but the pain of being unable to read it fluently hurts. Sometimes I want to ask my friends about it but whenever they’re around I just can’t seem to bring the topic up because they’re talking about other stuff.

I am really envious of those who finished their Ugama School. I was blind back then. Every after school I played games. To think about it now, I was very sad, doing worthless things. However, I will not give up in learning about religion. In life, to give up is to fail. And I will not fail myself this time. I will learn and read the Quran slowly, step by step until I am able to read it fluently and complete it, Insya Allah. We haven’t quite completely feel it but this is the last 10 days of Ramadhan and I intend to use it to entrust myself to Allah S.W.T. Amin.

Books & Knowledge

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Alhamdulillah, I received a feedback from a friend about my first post. She said it was life changing. Thank you, my sister. I do wish to be able to inspire others as well as myself. Insya Allah.

Yesterday I went to a one-hour talk about Islamic Understanding. This talk is held for four different days in Dewan Jubli, UNISSA, Gadong. I thought this talk was about enhancing the quality of the Muslim way of life but instead it was a talk about the different Mazhab during Sayyidina Ali’s reign. I took some notes and different tribes during those times were: Syiah, Khawarij, Mu’tazilah, Qadariyah, Jabariyyah, Mushabihah (Karamiyyah) and Ahli Sunnah Wal-Jamaah. In the end she concluded that we embrace Ahli Sunnah Wal-Jamaah’s teaching as they follow Sunnah Rasulullah and the sayings in Al-Quran.

My friends, I have come to realize that it is really hard to change the depth of our attitude. This was proven yesterday when I went out for Sungkai with my friends and in having fun, I lost my self control. I have also missed out in performing my Maghrib prayer. Only after I had a moment to myself that I realize, that is why I wanted to change. Forgetting Allah for the fun in dunia is what I should avoid more than anything.

To gain better knowledge about Islam, I need to read. My parents had been recommending me to read the books they bought about Islam but I never tried to understand it; books that I have been ignoring until now, how shameful am I? I started out with four books:

1. Himpunan Kisah-Kisah Jin/Iblis/Syaitan (Collection of stories about satan)

2. Himpunan Kisah-Kisah Malaikat (Collection of stories about angels)

3. Wanita Yang Dicintai Iblis (Women loved by satan)

4. Bagaimana Mengatasi Marah (How to overcome anger)

In there I found knowledge that made me feel weak and futile as well as beneficial knowledge such as tips to be loved by Allah. I will share some of my findings in a later post, Insya Allah. I pray that with the knowledge I gained, I do not astray from this path of Jannah.

Change

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Greetings readers! I have been meaning to blog for a while now but time didn't let me. I was caught up in my studies that even the simplest desire to write got overwhelmed and forgotten. Speaking of which, I'll leave my results to Allah S.W.T in judging my efforts for my exam.

So now, let me start my story.

For the past 18 years, I have been negligent in my duties to Allah S.W.T. Being raised in an Islamic country and by Muslim parents; people would surely think that I’d be doing good deeds and serving Allah S.W.T every day but no. My knowledge in my religion was limited and in no ways are my parents to be blamed: they have delivered knowledge according to the rightful Islamic upbringing. Due to my own ignorance I nourished my sins: pride, gluttony, lust, sloth, wrath, greed and envy. My heart became cold to Mom’s constant lecture of Islam and the consequences of my actions.

I believed I was the best; I was arrogant and selfish. But who was I to judge myself? I look at people; criticize them and even bad-mouth them, when the person I should have looked at was I, myself. I started hanging out with people, enjoying the company, forgetting to perform my prayers. I thought being social would get me more friends and as I gained more friends, there was even more drama and life entered complications. Desires got the best of everyone. That was when I realize humans do not give happiness, being close to Allah does.

The more I used foul language, the more my heart becomes dark. The more I skipped my prayers, the more usual I sleep with guilt. The more I lounged outside, the more I feel insecure. Something was missing in my life. Until I found three things that made me feel at ease: telekung, sejadah and Al-Quran.

Telekung makes me humble, a self realization that I am a fragile human being. Sejadah makes me realize that I’m in a secure area from dunia where my thoughts are only focused on Allah S.W.T. And finally, Al-Quran, Masya Allah, a kitab that will make the intentions in our heart pure by understanding the contents. With this my friends, life finally has a meaning: to please Allah S.W.T with all our might and to ignore this dunia for akhirat.

Sometimes I wonder why people of different races are so devoted to their religion. It makes me think about myself and my religion. How shameful I am to have a religion but not devote myself to it. I was born a Muslim and that in itself is a blessing. Truthfully I was an ignorant Muslim and now I want to be a Muslim by heart and by soul. Insya Allah.

I created this blog because I want to share with you the hardships I went through for a change, how this change has enhanced me to become a better person and remind myself that I am only a humble servant of Allah S.W.T. In here I want you to witness my growth and in any ways if I make mistakes in the future, please correct any of my wrongs.

This.. is where I start my change.