Pride

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

First of all, I have to say that I am a prideful person. I sometimes deem myself better than the others. I might still be doing this without notice and I really do despise myself for doing it. Who am I to be prideful in the sight of Allah S.W.T? My heart was rust. I want to be able to fix it. Ya Allah, help me in becoming a better person. Guide me and cleanse my heart. I pray to be a modest person and not judging of others.

In trying to find meaningful cures, I stumbled upon a website that teaches Islamic morals:

http://www.momin.com/urdu/Books/Islamic+Morals-7.html 

I also found a website of another Muslim, who had the same problem as me:

http://www.simplemuslim.com/2009/07/dangers-of-pride-and-arrogance.html 

Masya Allah. We are not alone in this world. Someone else might be having the same problem I have. We are all experiencing the same troubles. This is how Allah brings us together.

Rasulullah S.A.W "Say, if you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive your sins. And Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Al-Qur'an 3:31]

Music and Sports

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Music and sports... they're two things that I feel will drift me apart from fully embracing Islam but I'm still in learning process. I for one, like post-hardcore music and these kinds of music will definitely consume my thoughts and beliefs. They never really affected me but letting myself in the bliss of the sounds makes me feel like I'm sinning. Sports-wise... I ran the other day without any tudung/hijab and I actually felt guilty. One step from the house without covering my aurat will lead my father one step closer to Hell and it makes me insecure. What am I suppose to achieve?

These doubts of mine.. Am I ready to give up a million other habits of mine for Allah? Lately I've been scared of the news around the world; of wars and rebellions. Humans are already in chaos which means the end is closer. Some people are still living with their own usual teenage drama without a bother of these issues. The bigger picture.

I'm just confused. What am I, as an Islamic youth, suppose to do for the world?

Eid Mubarak

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

It has been a while since I last updated. Guess what I was caught up with? Eid celebrations- and school!

Eid Mubarak! Or in my native language, Selamat Hari Raya! Maaf zahir dan batin. I do hope you will forgive me of my wrongdoings in the past and the present. All of it, I deeply apologize for. What I do know is that it is better to ask for forgiveness even if the person hesitates to forgive. Everyone is different but in the end, everyone returns to Allah S.W.T.

Masya Allah. It has been great to see both close and distant relatives during Eid. I used to text with people on the phone when we went to relatives’ houses but Alhamdulillah, this year I put my phone safely in my bag and was able to start conversations with uncles/aunties/cousins. I figured this is the time where I should get to know the family better.

Although my Eid is cut short with the starting of school on the 6^th day, some of my friends are still conducting Open Houses and I am able to knit good relations with them.

For everything, Alhamdulillah.

Coverage

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

When I said I wanted change, do not associate me with my old self. I am literally not kidding. I cannot make more mistakes and keep saying "OH ALLAH WILL FORGIVE ME WHEN I REPENT" I do not have ALL the time in the world. No one will be able to guarantee us tomorrow except Allah S.W.T. For all we know, we might die in seconds, minutes or hours from now. This leads me to wearing hijab to cover parts of me that when exposed, will add to my sin.

Unfortunately, wearing hijab has become an issue. In all honesty, I do not wear it to look good or to gain attention from a sudden change but in reality, I do it for coverage. All the Muslim girls should wear it but it depends on our heart. I do not expect you to change when I change, I only need you to understand that my heart has come to a decision of obeying Allah S.W.T. The other day my friend updated her status on Facebook saying "Selangkah anak perempuan keluar dari rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga ayahnya itu hampir ke neraka. Selangkah seorang isteri keluar rumah tanpa menutup aurat, maka selangkah juga suaminya itu hampir ke neraka."

Translation: "One step a girl exits her house without covering her aurah, that one step also leads the father closer to Hell" One step a woman exits her house without covering her aurah, that one step also leads her husband to Hell."

And I ask myself, do I love Allah? Do I love my father? YES I love Allah and YES I love my father and I only hope that my family, friends and cousins get to go into Jannah (Amin) even if I'm not.

I know that most girls that keep update with fashion or wants to look good take it very hard to cover parts of the body that make them pretty/hot. Even I myself was like that once, days and months ago. I wore revealing clothes and let my hair curl to my shoulders and everyone was always commenting and praising. Now I realise that I do not need all those praises when it does not even get me close to Jannah.

I only hope that you do not question me in wearing hijab anymore. It's my decision for Allah S.W.T. I easily falter, that is why I need to strengthen my iman to ignore all the pretty clothes that are not meant for Muslim girls.

"O Prophet! say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers that they let down upon them their over-garments; this will be more proper, that they may be known, and thus they will not be given trouble; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (33:59)"

Overcoming Failure

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hey friends. So Cambridge results were out in Brunei two days ago and honestly, I was relieved and also heartbroken. Relieved because I got my desired grade for AS Mathematics; heartbroken because the subject that I have worked hard for, AS Physics, the grade became lower than the low I got last year. But Allah is just. He knows what is best for me and this is another one of the test I must overcome.

With every failure we get, there's meaning and lessons behind it. One thing I know, we should NEVER give up.

I have faith in myself and I will work hard for my A Level! Insya Allah.

Glorification

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Once again, I acted like a fool again. Truthfully, I just had my period today and I was REALLY depressed. I so badly wanted to perform my duties to Allah S.W.T in this final 10 days of Ramadhan that I overlooked the fact that this Haid in itself is a blessing. Everything comes from Him and He knows best for us. For me to deny that, forgive me Ya Allah. A friend told me that this is a chance for me to glorify Him.

002.185 ... Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put you to difficulties. (He wants you) to complete the prescribed period, and to glorify Him in that He has guided you; and perchance ye shall be grateful.

With that, Ya Allah, You are testing me with this Haid and I will try my best to glorify You. Forgive me for being such a sinful soul, who loses to patience, and Your Mercy is much greater than I can ever imagine.

And friends, allow me to share this beautiful Istighfar with you. A reminder to us:

Quran

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Lately I have been having these episodes of pain whenever I read the Quran. I feel really angry with myself. You see, I can’t read the Quran fluently. At some parts I keep getting stuck, having a second or two before I can calmly read the verse again because I started hating myself. I never went to Ugama School. That’s right. Never. When I was living in Seria, Mom was a full-time housewife and she couldn’t drive. So my sister and I, we never went to Ugama School. Somehow this just continued until I was in Secondary School.

I didn’t bother to consult my parents about it because well I simply did not care once upon a time ago. How ignorant was I? My friends all went and they even completed their Quran reading and even studied other important subjects of Ugama. While I.. I haven’t even completed the Quran. That’s why now I read it slowly, every day possible in hopes that I could complete it but the pain of being unable to read it fluently hurts. Sometimes I want to ask my friends about it but whenever they’re around I just can’t seem to bring the topic up because they’re talking about other stuff.

I am really envious of those who finished their Ugama School. I was blind back then. Every after school I played games. To think about it now, I was very sad, doing worthless things. However, I will not give up in learning about religion. In life, to give up is to fail. And I will not fail myself this time. I will learn and read the Quran slowly, step by step until I am able to read it fluently and complete it, Insya Allah. We haven’t quite completely feel it but this is the last 10 days of Ramadhan and I intend to use it to entrust myself to Allah S.W.T. Amin.