When the world fades away..

You wake up startled, looking at the watch; afraid that you'll be late. Sighing in relief you start preparing yourself. He's waiting for you. Splashing cold water on your face, you re-energise yourself. Get a hold on yourself, you need to look and feel great. Staring at your reflection, giving yourself a once-over, you smile. Decent. There were times that you were late and for most of it you cried, afraid that you have disappointed the one you love. But now you want to be on time. There's a chance! You need to prove that you're willing to do anything. Love can get to such an extent, right? That dawning realisation seems to motivate you further. Yes you are ready for your date now. With the ambience beckoning to be gratified, you have never felt more at peace. And then you begin praying. A date with Allah in the last third of the night.. as the rest of the world begins to fade.

A Journey You & I Share

Assalamu'alaikum wrb,

Dearest brothers and sisters,

You know sometimes when we're doing something fun, time just seems to fly by so fast? But when we're doing ibadah everything just feels so slowwwwww. And I'm thinking, exactly! Ibadah is supposed to be slow, Allah is giving you that time to savour the moments between you and Him. And when it's something we call fun- usually there's no Allah there. I mean, come on. Movie nights, K-box, dates, hangouts, Twister, jamming, LoL, PS, gossiping, etc: is there Allah in these things? Rarely. Very rarely.

When we don't know who He is, we dread the time we spend in our prayer or any other ibadah. But when we learn to know who our Creator is, we crave for the time where we will spend in His remembrance.

I used to chase pointless love to a point of changing taste in music, or the way I dress just to get the other person's attention. But really? Who was I kidding? But when I found the love of Allah. Like that's it. Everything felt right, the halal way, the right way. Even if I were to be with someone right now, and it "feels" right, it's still wrong for me because.. it's not even halal. I still have a guilty conscience to Allah too.

All those stuff I deemed fun.. yes they were fun I admit. But they all lack one thing. Serenity. And when I was thrown to UK where I had to fend for myself, my only salvation was in my prostration. The need to humbly submit to The One who listens. And that's when my authentic love story began.. and it still is. It keeps renewing every single day. It's so overwhelming. His love.

Who would have thought that this Sarah who loved being athletic and boyish and this Sarah who never in a million years would agree to make-ups and skirts.. suddenly changes from skinny jeans to skirts every single day? To a point when if I don't wear skirts anymore now I feel queer in a lot of ways. Even in sports. Even when I hike, yes! Now I tell you that's His love.

I used to strive for competition; to be number one. And it was tough battling the intelligent, the natural talents, in all others stuff I wanted to be good at: singing, music, dancing, Rubix cube (yes, LOL it was an in thing once), blogging, acting, running, hockey, etc. I hated the fact that I can never be at the top. There will always be someone replacing the top in due time.

But once I found His love, I only have to strive for Him. Do any kindness and He will give you reward. And man, I am waiting for Jannatul Firdaus. True, I can be one of those Muslims who pray five times a day and that's it. I might get Jannah but not THE highest Jannah. Seriously? I'm selfish. I want the highest of the highest reward and that's Jannatul Firdaus. So I do all these things some people deem "extreme" which I TOO used to deem extreme but really now I know these "extreme" (now it's the norm and awesome!) will get me there faster. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I'm a straight Jannah person, but a servant can hope right? Hope, fear and love? :)

And here I am sharing this story because.... Jannatul Firdaus is not for one person only. I want you.. to share this journey with me too.

A Stigma

Assalamu'alaikum wrb dear brothers and sisters.. 

Here's a poem I was inspired with last night.. 

"What is the truth when we think that our truth is the truth?

How can we even justify, when we are not qualified to clarify?

We base our opinion from our dense judgement but not from the Quran.

Are we all seriously embracing this stigma, please all we have to do is just iqra (Al-'Alaq: 1 - 5)."

If you were to read it.. it takes the persona of Brother Boonaa Mohammed 's style. The only reason I think  I was inspired is because of the anguish currently happening in the world. Anguish of the social networks. Anguish of the shared button being pressed too much. Our mind is so limited. Our knowledge of Islam is so limited. The smaller the scale, the smaller our brain.. haram becomes halal, as long as we're Muslim. But define Muslim? Muslim because our parents are Muslim? 

So ask ourselves. Why do we pray? Is it for Allah? Or actually because we were taught to pray from when we were small? Why do wear the hijab? Is it for Allah? Or actually because we were asked to since we were small?

But my friend.. although if it was really because we were taught from small that we are Muslims.. and Islam is our religion. Don't you think that now.. it is time for you to explore what Islam really means to you?

Ask yourself, embrace Islam again whole-heartedly. Learn and read. Just like the first wahyu is "Iqra" which means read.

Islam has become a nationality just like we are proud of our country. Islam is nothing until suddenly hey Happy Muslims are out there and we are all like, "I'm a proud Muslim too yay."

There's so much I want to say too but I'm not a scholar.. I'm just this girl who was once lost and found Allah midway and still praying that Allah will continue to give her hidayah until her death with "La Ilaha IllAllah Muhammadur Rasulullah."

And until then..

Heal

Heart, the home of my iman.

I need you..

to heal.

Love,
A lost sinning soul.

Lump of Flesh

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Dearest sisters and brothers,

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Sitting in the Information Commons, overlooking the land of Sheffield from a distance.. I realise how vast the land that Allah gave us. It goes beyond our limited sight. Imagine looking over at the sea, we do not know what is beyond the horizon. Allah Jalla.. Jalaluhu.

Yesterday, I attended a QC Outing with my fellow BruSheff sisters at the Botanical Garden. It was amazing to see such a number of attendees. Allah really is The Best Planner. One you cannot deny. In nature we recited the Quran, in nature we ponder upon His words, in nature we play games for His sake and in nature we bonded for His sake. And only to Him we return.

I realise...

I have forgotten.

Forgotten how I once was.

Forgotten that I was once too a sinner.

And I still am.

And it is important for me to look back.

So I can remind myself..

I was once shameful.

I watched over other hearts around me and I know..

It was never the physical appearance.

It was never the judgement.

It was never the family background.

The only thing that matters is our heart. People's heart.

In da'wah, we badly want people to change and we forced them into the halal and haram. But we forgot, the revelations in Makkah during the earliest stages of Islam were all about akidah. Fixing the heart; that lump of flesh which commands the whole body. We forgot, once people strongly have faith in Allah, love Him and wants to seek His blessings, then it becomes easier for people to accept His rulings in the Quran.

Just like how I once was.

And shamely, I have forgotten.

How weak and futile we humans are..

Ya Waduud,

I need You.

Life and Death

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Dear brothers and sisters,

Alhamdulillah, finally I have the opportunity to write. However, it is not my writing (ironically). It is just a sharing I received and I wish to share it even more for all of us to ponder upon. Exam is coming up for me and will end on 4th June In Sya Allah. Make du'a for me, Jazakumullahu khaiyran katheera.

Starting with down below it is not of my writing. This is credits to Al-Maghrib Institute for reminders. May Allah reward the writer of this reminder. Until my next post In Sya Allah.

Small things with big rewards

When we wake up in the morning, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it Allah azzawajjal? Is it hitting your snooze button on your alarm? What about the fact that had He willed it, you would never have woken up from that sleep, yet you did wake up.

 Sleep is something taken for granted. Sometimes we may say things like, 'Yeah I'll see you in the morning' as we are taking for granted the fact that we will get up from our sleep. What if we didn't? Do we even really know if we will wake up? We don't even give it a second thought, and then what happens? It's the next morning, after a good nights sleep, and all we do is go about doing our normal day to day things, forgetting the blessing Allah jalla wa'ala has placed upon us.

“It is He, Who takes your souls by night (when you are asleep), and has knowledge of all that you have done by day, then He raises (wakes) you up again that a term appointed (your life period) be fulfilled, then (in the end) unto Him will be your return. Then He will inform you of that which you used to do”

[al-An’aam 6:60]

It was narrated that Hudhayfah ibn al-Yamaan said: When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went to bed, he would say: “Bismika amoot wa ahyaa (in Your name I live and die)” and when he got up he would say:

 “Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi ahyaana ba’da ma amaatana wa ilayh il-nushoor ''

(Praise be to Allaah Who has given us life after taking it from us and unto Him is the resurrection)

[Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5953]

This was also narrated by Muslim from the hadeeth of al-Bara’ ibn ‘Aazib (may Allaah be pleased with him).

Al-Nawawi said:

What is meant by amaatana (taking [life] away from us) is sleep. Al-nushoor (the resurrection) refers to the resurrection on the Day of Resurrection. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) pointed out that waking up after sleep which is like death is an affirmation of the resurrection after death.

The scholars said: The wisdom behind saying the du’aa’ when wanting to sleep is so that a person’s final deed will be this du’aa’, and the wisdom behind saying the du’aa’ when waking up is so that the first of his actions will be remembrance of Tawheed and good words. 

[Sharh Muslim, 17/35]

What will be the last thing you said before you died? Something that is related to the dunya? Or something that is related to your akhirah? In the grand scheme of things, we all know, ultimately, what is of more importance. Let us try and implement this in our lives so that the first and last thing we say is in rememberance of Allah jalla wa 'ala.

I Found Love

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Dearest brothers and sisters,

It has been a while. I have been meaning to write for a long time: sometimes words they just flow into my head like a waterfall however, like the waterfall itself, it continues its flow in and out. So I lost all the words I wanted to blog.

In the duration from my previous post, a lot of unbelievably amazing things have happened to me,  Alhamdullilah. I see Islam in a different way. A life full of love and gratefulness. Things may happen that ruin our emotions, however that is only short-lived because we have Allah S.W.T. In times of sadness we turn to Allah, in times of happiness we turn to Allah; every little thing we do we remember Allah. He created us, and we should be thankful.

From time to time I remember my past and ask myself, am I worthy of being here? Worthy of getting His Forgiveness? Worthy of being given a second chance. And then I open a page of the Quran... ALL words of consolation are there, laid out for us to see. And you wonder about Him a bit and He will give you a sign. From the nature, from your dreams, from your heart. I cannot even mention all of it because it overwhelms me. His presence which is closer than our own jugular vein. He's always there, watching us. We just never noticed because we moved further away from Him.

Allah S.W.T has become the reason I live.

The Quran has become my remedy.

Muhammad S.A.W has become my inspiration.

Ukhuwah... it's a strong bond. To strive in this life for the sake of Allah S.W.T. Now, every single day has become a quest to know Allah more deeper. I fell in love. My religion. My Prophet. My Creator.