Will I Stay or Will I Go?

I came close to a point where I wanted to give up on myself

Giving up being who I am now

But a voice at the back of my head keeps calling me

Over and over again

To believe in Allah

I tell myself I want a break. And I need a break.

But a break from what? Reality? Oh really it doesn't work that way.

It kind of feels that everyone is against me. I know it's not true. And all I want is to just run away. But everywhere I go I keep falling, learning about my own flaws.

How do I stand up now? This whole self I have known for 22 years... this whole confidence and courage I have built up- put to test. I want to smile and face the world but it's just...

Well a part of me has gone. That shining eyes I see in the mirror- it's getting dimmer day by day.

Hammered to a point where I believe this is the test for me:

will I stay or will I go?

And it hurts to think that, I even thought of going.

Allah, please show me the way.

Unwritten

Can you keep up with my heartbeat?
To the rhythm of my defeat
It's beating, beating in agony
Courtesy of my own phantasy

I've made a mistake of not trusting You
And now I have to face the consequence
I know I'll get over this someday somewhere
But right now this ache I just can't replace

So tonight I'll drown my sadness away
With a melody of remembrance
In hopes that my heart will tremble
Back to You.. to You

And here's my final gift
One last smile as tears fall down my face
With my hands over my heart
Goodbye to a story unwritten